Noomi Rapace Dressed in Two Tiny Ace Bandages

Prometheus

US flag Prometheus 2012

Great special effects and some gorgeous opening shots of natural wonders, such as a waterfall in Iceland. Then things go south. Some odd humanoid drinks some nasty looking liquid and disintegrates as a UFO takes off into the sky above him. A few explanatory scenes and our heroes are on their way to points unknown in search of who knows what.

The android, named David, is annoying and simpering then evil and untrustworthy. I liked his character slightly better once he was beheaded by a pissed-off “Engineer” or alien.

Charlize Theron, typecast as an icy, calculating corporate bitch, is serviceable, though her sudden bedding of the black ship’s captain seemed highly unlikely. The extraordinarily cute Noomi Rapace and her scientist partner are happy to have discovered whatever they discover and end up in bed. Since Noomi Rapace’s character is sterile, it’s something of a surprise to find that she’s now carrying a fetus, albeit “not  a normal fetus.”

I wish I cared. The special effects are great. The acting is limp. The dialog puts you to sleep. Random, sporadic violence. Such as Charlize Theron’s character incinerating a crew member with a flamethrower in five seconds. Not. Very. Likely.

ANYWAY. Eventually the exploratory ship rams an alien ship trying to take off and destroy Earth. Yay for us. I enjoyed seeing the evil Charlize Theron character crushed by the crashing alien ship. Nice touch. Then the extremely cute Noomi Rapace character determines that with David’s help she can pilot one of the remaining alien spaceships back to wherever they came from and try and figure out why they created humans and now want to destroy us.

I managed to omit the scene where Noomi Rapace’s character performs self-surgery to remove an alien fetus. Grisly. She’s dressed in a couple of pieces of Ace bandage. Smoking little MILF body.

Overall: this movie is a confused mess with annoying characters. Even the aliens are annoying. The only part I found inspiring was when Noomi Rapace’s character takes off in an alien ship — THEN THE MOVIE ENDS. It was just promising to get interesting.

I now read that a sequel (to the prequel?) is scheduled for release in 2014. Oh boy.

This movie misses the target by a good distance. It’s like playing darts and you miss by a wide enough margin to hit the wall and not the dartboard.

There are bits of Alien and Species in here. None quoted all that well. Definitely an “Aliens 3” vibe — a franchise with no where to go. The endless British accents are annoying. Aside from the special effects and the smoking hot Noomi Rapace dressed in a couple of strips of cloth, there’s not much here I feel good about. A curious miscue.

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One thought on “Noomi Rapace Dressed in Two Tiny Ace Bandages

  1. blah says:

    The only thing “limp” is your bs review.

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