Thursday

Nice sandwich. Ham and Swiss cheese on some leftover focaccia bread I made yesterday afternoon. Flynn didn’t come home until  for dinner and wasn’t hungry. That was disappointing for some reason. Made spaghetti sauce, which was delicious.

Feel really down this morning, no two ways about it. Money is agonizingly tight. Looking at cashing in a life insurance policy to help reduce the credit card debt.  Income is much less than what it was a few years ago.  $1700 less.  Plus $500 more from Diane when she was working and semi-functional. We don’t even HEAR from Diane any more. Ultra-bizarre.

Emptied and refilled the water in the fountain, which was green and opaque. Watered the tomatoes, which seem to be coming back from the squirrel devastation and the few weeks of heat we got this August.

It’s cool out today, and cloudy. Feels more like a spring day. Really weird weather this summer, but thank God it’s been cool. Hopefully the electricity bill will not be $1200 like it was last April, the “truing-up” part of the SDG&E “Net Metering” agreement. So far I owe them about $140. That’s going to increase since we actually used the AC last month. It finally got hot.

So I’ve gotta say that the overcast matches my mood. Things do not look good. I looked on Ticketmaster again to see if I can sell the Alice in Chains tickets and I don’t see how to do it, I get dumped at the event page, which I think is telling me that they’re not accepting tickets for sale.

Sent off another resume today. Some place near a pocket in the road near PB north of Mission Bay which I’d noticed years ago. That would be creepy. The idea of getting up and LEAVING the kids in the morning worries me. And of Flynn not picking Cassidy up in the afternoon and shepherding her home again.

I need to be at work at seven, so I’m leaving and it’s 6:20, bye — get yourselves out the door on time, and yes, you’ll be walking. In the rain. Flynn, escort Cassidy to the door of her school’s gym, which is where they sequester the early arrivals, I think.

I need to find some kind of job in the immediate future. That is how bad money is getting. Tempted to sell the truck and buy some cheap new automobile at a 0% rate but I’m freaked out that I won’t be able to afford any payment the way things are going.

Tempted to look at aircooled VWs again, but that would mean re-equipping for old cars and all that.  All of which I parted with.  Should have kept both VWs. Instead I gave them away and bought that Hyundai, which was ok (as long as I didn’t mind my head pressing against the roof)(you had to duck when going through a dip or over a bump). Then I sold that and got the Prius, which I didn’t like for some reason. Felt freaked out after Diane’s departure and Mom’s death. Wanted something big and protective to hide my insecurities. Mega-truck. Safe. Grunt.

I like the truck. If I had to commute, I’m not sure it would be a real asset.

It would be great if the commercial tenant signed a new lease. Maybe that won’t happen. Maybe it will happen. Maybe it won’t happen.

Money and particularly the credit card debt, which has a big payment each month, is worrying me. It crept up.

Regretful. Unhappy. Worried. But I did make Flynn a heck of a nice sandwich this morning, did I not?

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